I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
