Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
