turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
