The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
