Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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