So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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