We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize