I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
