WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
