You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
