So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
