Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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