Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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