I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
