whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
