pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just invented taco cereal.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize