During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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