and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
