Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
