What did we do last night that was yellow?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize