guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
