why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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