i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
