Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
