remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
