He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize