get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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