good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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