Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
