I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize