he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
