i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
