We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
