If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize