I could make wine with my vomit
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
