dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
