I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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