Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
