I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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