I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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