Cold hands, warm shart.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
