i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Less talking, more tequila
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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