Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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