I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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