would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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