that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
