I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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