so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Who died my cat blue again?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
