the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
