Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
