dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
