Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're a waste of cheezeits
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize