Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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