I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
