Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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