He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
