i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize