how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
