You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
