you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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