Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
