So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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