girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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