life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
