I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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