I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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