I didn't shave. On purpose
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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