Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
