New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
