I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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