Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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