i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
