What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
