butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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