Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I would ride that face into the sunset
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